A Bunch of "You-can'ts" Crawled Into My Ear

If you didn't read it in every single elementary school English class, you should read Shel Silverstein's poem about the What-ifs. I've never really been much of a What-if person. I am curious, and have pondered a lot of science-related what-ifs, but I don't constantly worry about what would happen if random bad things happened to me. If they happen, they happen, it's out of my control, and worrying does nothing to prevent them. Instead, I have a different set of creatures that crawl into my ear late at night. They're called the "You-can'ts." They give me reasons why I won't achieve my goals, why I'll never win a fellowship or get a job, tell me why I'm going to die alone and fat, tell me why my children will be ugly and hate me, tell me why I'll never get good grades or be happy.

I'm pretty good at stifling the "You-can'ts." I fill my mind with activities, things I know I'm good at, like writing, making friends, solving math problems, and cooking kale. But when I push myself out of my comfort zone, by taking science classes, applying for jobs, playing with other musicians at Oberlin, and the current stressing factor: consider applying for fellowships, the "You-cant's" get past my protective barrier and creep into my ear when I'm trying to do my homework or eat lunch or take a shower. Avoiding situations where I'm particularly susceptive to "You-can'ts" is no way to live my life. I don't want everything to be comfortable and easy. Every time I do something challenging, I stretch myself and grow. I want to challenge myself as much as possible while I am young and still have elasticity, if you will. And I'm not going to let the "You-can'ts" deter me from having adventures just because they make me vulnerable.

Fortunately, I have discovered a way of kicking the "You-can'ts" out of my ear so I can get on with my life and not wallow in a pool of self-doubt, which is not only unproductive, but unattractive. I call/e-mail/have lunch/wine with a friend. A 30 minute phone call to one of my oldest and dearest friends banished the "You-can'ts" I attracted at a presentation about the Watson fellowship, where I saw a lot of really smart, really determined, interesting, and personable Oberlin students, and felt like the dumbest, laziest, most boring one of the bunch. I know I know I know, comparing yourself to others is bad because we're all individuals and everyone is special and I have bigger arm muscles and thus could take them in a fight and blah blah blah, but when the "You-can'ts" start to hover, I forget all of these things. And this phone call brought me back to reality, got those pesky critters out of my ear, and replaced them with the "You-cans." You can be a good friend! You can have good relationships! You can have interesting ideas! You can write persuasively! You can work hard and intelligently! You can take the other applicants in a fist fight!

I'm just going to go ahead and be really cheesy and say that the "You-cans" are made of love and kind of look like my cat Sadie. When I am reminded of my love my friends, I love who I am, because if I can have that kind of relationship, then I must be pretty capable after all.

I'll never completely defeat the "You-can'ts" but I'll sure as hell give them a run for their money. I am so thankful for the healing powers of friendship.