What I Learned from Reading Fifty Shades of Gray

1.  If you are annoyingly innocent, rich, powerful, attractive men will fall in love with you.
    Alternately: If you are annoyingly innocent, creepy, controlling, moody, men with lots of baggage will want you to become their submissive, so it's probably better just to slut it up.

2. It is easier for women to orgasm from penetrative sex than it is for men.

3. If you in your annoying innocence attract a rich man, you will receive awesome gifts like computers, Blackberries, sports cars, and first editions of Thomas Hardy books.  It's probably best to just accept them without question or he will spank you.

4. BDSM is a whole bunch of work.

5. If you refrain from getting drunk until you graduate from college, then start dating a rich man, you will instantly love and appreciate the expensive wine he buys for you instead of drinking Andre and Franzia like your more experienced college roommate.

6.  If your 27 year old boyfriend has slept with other women, you should probably be really jealous.  If your 27 year old boyfriend hasn't slept with other women and isn't super religious or super gay, he probably has absolutely no baggage and you should totally go on a camping trip with him in a strange state because it's not like he's going to break your heart in a tent or lead you on or anything because he is probably the perfect mate (okay this is no longer about 50 Shades of Gray).

7. It's pretty normal for people to be business tycoons by the age of 27.

8. If you're not orgasming when someone touches your nipples, there's probably something wrong with you.

9. There is a 3 hour time difference between Seattle and Georgia.

10. You don't have to be a good writer to get a book published.