Tonsils, Self-Doubt, and Red M&Ms: Things You Don't Know You Have Until You See Them

My lovely friend Rachel is coming to visit today! I'm so excited. She's mildly allergic to cats (a liability in my house) so I've been sweeping and vacuuming all day. When I was 4 or 5, I was at a children's theater production with my grandparents. I sat on the floor in the dark beside a girl with my packet of M&Ms and offered to share them with her. She told me that she was allergic to red and green M&Ms and could only eat the other colors. After the play I worried that in the dark I had accidentally passed her a red M&M and killed her. How was I to know? I was only 4 or 5 and I never saw her again. For all I know, she died of eating a red M&M that I'd given her. Ever since then, I've had a fear of accidentally killing my friends. I hope you survive your visit to West Virginia, Rachel.

About a week ago, I realized that swallowing really really hurt. It kept hurting more and more each day despite my efforts not to swallow. My concerned mother looked down my throat and diagnosed me with tonsillitis. A few days later, I went to the doctor and found out that it was actually mono. At which point, I burst out laughing. How many people have I shared my water bottle with in the past year? (Maybe I should be less concerned about killing Rachel with cat dander, and more worried about giving her mono).

Unfortunately, now I'm tired a lot and can't kiss anyone for a long time. I don't really need to kiss anyone, but the being tired all the time doesn't bode well for returning to Whitesburg and working with two different non-profits, getting in awesome shape, playing bass and banjo as much as possible, doing radio when I can, and living on my own. Luckily I am now the proud owner of a French press, which I'm going to depend on to get me through until I am mono-free.

I've also been having regrets and mixed feelings about this semester off. I might just miss college. The other day, I was in a coffee shop in Charlottesville, full of students doing their homework. I felt a slight pang as I watched two boys work on their problem sets, a girl look up Spanish verbs, and a woman staring off into space. I've also been missing weird things like shower shoes and sweeping co-ops with push brooms and that weird time on weekend nights between dinner and going out when you're never really sure if you should do homework or watch bad tv. (Although I do think it's fun when people ask me when I'm going back to school and I say "February.") I think I'll be ready to go back and buckle down, when the time comes. But until then, I'll be buckling down in a different way. I can't wait to be getting stuff done again.