And Now For Something Completely Different

Look! I was inspired! I like satire! I wrote something!

I've been a peanut butter eater all my life, without questioning it one bit. I was weaned on peanut butter milkshakes, and made my first peanut butter and jelly sandwich at 18 months. But recently I began to question whether eating peanut butter was ethically and politically correct. How do peanut farmers treat their peanuts? Are they grass-fed? Free range? Have they been vaccinated? Is the peanut butter making process unnecessarily cruel? As they go through the grinder, do they suffer?

Even if the peanuts in my peanut butter are organic and free range, what is the environmental impact of my peanut butter habit? What kind of carbon footprint does Jif have? Does peanut growing deteriorate soil quality? And finally, how are workers on peanut farms treated? What about peanut farmers?

After much internal debate and dialogue, I concluded that I would only eat peanut butter if I could kill it myself. If I couldn't stand to do that, then I would just have to live a life without peanut butter.

So I planted some peanuts. Let them roam free and graze. No pesticides, no cages. I harvested them with my bare hands, without the help of child labor. I roasted them over a wood stove, using a tree that had fallen over in a thunderstorm. I popped open their shells, got ready to dump them in a grinder, and...

It was the most delicious peanut butter I ever had.

So to make a long story short, I still eat peanut butter. I try to purchase peanut butter made from free-range organic peanuts whenever possible, but I'm not above buying a jar of Jif when that option isn't available. I guess I would just like to encourage others to make conscientious decisions about their food choices. I'm sure glad I did.

- Janney Lockman is a 20 year old lover of all things peanut butter (except for peanut butter fudge, and peanut butter and cheese sandwiches). After a 3 year stint as a vegetarian, she has recently started eating chicken again, which was, to quote Janney, "The best decision I ever made." Janney resides in the beautiful hills of Appalachia and the vast plains of Ohio when she is not lobbying for Peanut Growers of America (PGA, for short).