The World Is My Oyster: In Which Janney Makes A Big Decision

I'm seeking opportunity, take me by the hand.

Show me where I'm going show me who I am.

All I need's a drop of water, I'm a seed born on the wind.

I was once a flower and I'll be a flower again. - Tea Leaf Green

This week I made a decision that I wish I had made two semesters ago. I decided to take next semester off from Oberlin. It took many conversations with my parents, a few of my older friends who had taken time off from college, and several phone calls with people from the dean of studies office to make the decision once and for all, but once I did, I felt so much better.

I've been reading so much since I've been here. For the first time in a long time, I am interested in reading books not only because they are enjoyable, but to improve my mind as well. I think reading only psychology and stats textbooks diminished my love of reading a lot, unfortunately. Here's what I've been reading before I launch into a shpeil about education and engagement in it.

Confederates in the Attic by Tony Horowitz

The World According to Garp by John Irving

Spring Snow - by some Japanese author - very sad and beautiful

Prozac Nation

Being Dead by Jim Crace

Middlesex

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls - put my problems with my family into so much perspective... good god.

Divine Right's Trip by Gurney Norman - currently reading - sort of like the Crying of Lot 49 or Been Down So Long it Looks Like Up to Me (not that I've made it through either one of those books)

Anyway. One of the most difficult parts about deciding to take next semester off was telling my close friends at Oberlin. The only reason I wanted to go back to school this semester was to see them. And while having friends is an important part of college, it shouldn't be your only reason for being in school. If you think about it, that's sort of like paying $45,000 a year to have friends (of course there are scholarships and things that make that number a little less extreme, but you shouldn't be getting $15,ooo scholarships to support your people habit). It's been hard for me to think that I won't see 2 of my best friends for a year, since they're going abroad in the spring. I was worried that they would be mad or something. But I think that most of them saw this coming, and they have all been very supportive. I know from personal experience a couple of times this semester that it's really hard to see your friends be unhappy in school, and perhaps I was very obviously unhappy to people who spent a lot of time with me.

Actually, for the most part, everyone of my generation that I've told has been incredibly supportive and excited for me. Which is making me incredibly supportive of myself in this endeavor, and incredibly excited for what is going to happen in the coming months. I feel like the world is my oyster. I haven't figured out exactly what I'm going to do yet, but I know I will soon. I feel like I have a lot of people rooting for me in a lot of corners of the US, and that's definitely a feeling that I haven't had for a long time. This summer has reminded me that I'm actually an intelligent, funny, nice, hardworking person. Who knew? I think I got so bogged down with worry about grades and social interactions that I totally forgot. When I first got to Whitesburg, I avoided stating my opinion in a lot of conversations, because I didn't think that I had any legitimate ones, because clearly I was less intelligent than every single other person. But now I say what I think, and if I don't know something, I ask, and if I don't know what I think, I say that too. I'm reading again because I want to learn things. This weekend I went to Louisville with my roommate and purchased a book called "1000 Recordings to Hear Before You Die." And I'm going to listen to those recordings. Every single one of them. Because I want to learn about music and expand my knowledge, not for ulterior motives like sounding pretentious or because it will make me a better DJ, but because I want to know these things for my own well-being.

So I'm reading, listening, talking, running, thinking, and feeling so much better about myself, and so much happier. I think a semester off will allow me to go back to school, buckle down for the next two years, renew my love of learning, and experience aspects of the world that I feel I'm missing at Oberlin sometimes. Maybe this is an example of a positive illusion (or positive delusions, as I like to call them) that we learned about in intro psych, but I really feel like the world is my oyster as far as next semester is concerned. I mean it really isn't, I have to think about time, money, safety and health insurance (all things that I could easily be without if I screw up with my planning), but once I get those things figured out, there are so many possibilities. I think that sometimes I forget about these possibilities. I forget that I'm 20 and have years and years of learning and travel and living ahead of me. I think taking a break from school will be a healthy reminder. The world is my oyster and the learning and living starts now.