What I Know About Love

Not a lot. But since I am a college graduate and a published Sexpert, I probably know more about relationships than you. Okay, kidding. But here are some of my observations.

1. Be an emotional risk-taker.
  If you have a crush on someone, just go for it. If you get rejected, you can spend that brain space on someone else, then go for it, get rejected, etc. If you're not constantly in a state of semi-heartbreak, you're not living life to the fullest.

2. Don't underestimate the power of physical and mental states on relationships.
  If you're dating an alcoholic, it's going to affect your relationship. Someone who is sick will probably not be able to give as much to you as you need out of them. Let it go. Forgive them. See no. 3.

3. Timing is everything.
  If you fall in love with someone while they're getting over a previous relationship, they will not be capable of loving you in the same way. They might think they are, but they're not. Move on. Wait. But move on first.
  You can love someone in many different ways, and they can love you back, but it won't work if the timing is off. It's okay. Carry the knowledge that you are loved with you as you find people who are where you are physically and emotionally when you are there.

4. Have Hoes in Different Area Codes
  Just kidding. But kind of. Having pen pals you'd love to date if you lived in the same place can carry you through the times where your town and its romantic prospects are getting you down.

5. "You are so attractive."
  Remember when I was talking about being an emotional risk-taker? I am an emotional risk-taker, and I've found that this phrase is the lowest risk, highest reward way to express interest in someone.

Case A:
Janney: Taylor Swift! It's good to see you! *hugs* You are sooo attractive!
Taylor Swift: Shut up! Youuu are sooo attractive! Do you want to go "listen" to "records"?

See? Both of us feel good and had a great time "listening" to "records." ;)

Case B:
Janney: Tea Leaf Green's Trevor Garrod! You are sooo attractive!
TLG's Trevor Garrod: Oh wow, thanks! Beautiful women tell me that all the time. I'm gonna go smoke some weed now byeeee.

In this case, Trevor Garrod feels good, and even though I was rejected, he implied that I am a beautiful woman. Plus, I didn't want to smoke weed, I wanted to make out. Even if this line isn't received in the best possible way, everyone still wins.

But I've never had telling someone that they were attractive not work out the way it worked out in Case A.

6. Never assume that you can understand someone else's relationship.
  I always say that the less I know about other peoples' relationships the better. Not every relationship involves monogamy in the traditional sense of the word, and that's not always a bad thing. Passing judgement on the relationships of others is not only cruel, but a huge waste of your time. Mind your own relationships, and stay out of those of others.
  The only exception to this rule is if the relationship is physically or emotionally abusive. In that case, stand by your friend.

7. It is easy to fall in love.
  I probably fall in love with someone once or twice a month. That's because it's the easiest thing to do in the world. Much harder is maintaining a real relationship with a person you've idolized. So keep your head, protect your heart, but not too much. Because it's the emotional risks that lead to the best stories, the best learning experiences, and the most happiness.

WOBC and Me: Part 2

I'm too busy doing finals (just kidding) to post a real blog post, so here's something I wrote that was on the WOBC blog about my hopes for the future: Is this embarrassing? This is embarrassing.

Also, this incredibly boring screenshot is a sneak peek of what I've been doing instead of writing exciting blog posts for your reading pleasure.

The Anatomy of A Small Town Tragedy

The other night, I had the good fortune to spend some time with someone who spent a good portion of his childhood growing up in my home county. While he only spent summers and one year of school in Pocahontas County, he probably comes the closest out of anyone in Oberlin to understanding what my experience there was like. When you come from a community that is different from the norm around you (and this applies for many types of communities, although I can only speak as a member of a rural community), it's nice to spend some time with someone who just "gets it." It's relaxing to not have to explain that you didn't have cell service or a mall 15 minutes away.

While we were talking and I was trying to find out who he knew in Pocahontas County (for a good old gossip sesh), he mentioned a former classmate of his from his time in PC, whose drug-related death during my sophomore year of high school shook our entire community. My friend talked about it in a way that no one who was living and attending school in Pocahontas County could have possibly talked about it. He wasn't exactly nonchalant about it, but he talked about it the same way you would talk about a stranger who your parents had used to illustrate a cautionary tale against drug use. Now I know that my friend wasn't trying to be a jerk or make light of the death of a young person. But he wasn't in Pocahontas County when this boy died, didn't have to attend a school full of shocked and sad students, didn't have to go to a funeral in the middle school gymnasium, didn't wear a black bracelet telling everyone to remember this student's name. While I didn't know the boy who died in any stronger way than you can know someone who leads your line in gym class, I had friends who were close to him. This was the first time I knew a young person who died. Seeing the pain of my classmates and the entire community cemented his death in my head and heart, and I carry the memory of their sadness with me wherever I go.  I can recall the date of his birthday more readily than I can recall the birthday's of most of my current friends. I can remember almost every class I went to that day, and trying to reach friends on my parents' tracphone on the soccer bus, to tell them that I loved them.

"Kids die every year at my school," a (now former) friend who went to a much larger school in West Virginia told me over instant messenger when I tried to explain my feelings to a peer outside the county. I don't remember many IM conversations with this person, but that one was one I'd never forget. It's true. Young people die all the time. But that doesn't mean that because your grief is not unique, it is any less valid.

This was not the last time I lost a classmate during high school. The second time, I was closer to the boy who died, and my own emotions ran the gamut from guilt that I wasn't the one who had died, to regret that I had never told this person how inspiring and interesting I found them. He was the only person my age I knew who did radio, and I like to think now that every time I am on the radio now, some of his kindness, humor, and creativity is being channeled through me. Three more former classmates have died since my high school graduation, and I know that their deaths had a huge impact on the people in Pocahontas County. Even though I was away when they happened, the deaths of these 19-22 year olds, two classmates since pre-school, and one friend from high school, had a huge impact on me. Away from my home and the grief of others, my sadness was more private, and in some ways, diluted. But it was still very real to me.

I think it's important to have people in my life who grew up in small towns like mine. They understand what it was like to swim in the river, cause trouble with Airsoft guns, stay up late playing music, know all of your neighbors, and everyone in your school. They probably even understand how quickly rumors spread, how kind people can be, and what it's like to lose a member of the community. But they can never possibly"get," (and it is unrealistic to expect them to,) exactly what it was like to be in your town, in your position, when a young person dies.


This post is dedicated to the memory of Loren, Logan, Jessie, Will, and Kayla. 

Wanted: Empty Room for Cool Girl and Small Cat

Room needed in Boulder ~August to August, with possibility of extension if everything works out ok. Responsible but underemployed 23 year old female seeks roommates who will appreciate my unique brand of humor and not judge me if I spend time sitting in my bathrobe loudly singing and playing guitar. Also must not judge other aspects of my lifestyle including but not limited to: occasional shower beer, occasional sleepover with member of opposite sex, frequent cookie baking (I'll share, because I need to perfect those high-altitude recipes). Male or female roommates are okay, as long as there is minimal drama and/or urine on the toilet seats. 4/20 friendly is fine, but I won't be taking advantage of it. Must not mind small cats who shed, but it's okay because I own a hand-held vacuum. Did I mention that I also come with a turntable, a sewing machine, and 3 pairs of cowboy boots?

Am I asking too much? Should I post this on Craigslist?