Congratulations. So Why Do I Want to Shake You?

Growing up in a rural community, having a lot of older friends, and having a bunch of pretty religious friends, family, and acquaintances has ensured that I've been going to a steady stream of weddings since age 18. I've written about weddings on here before, so I'll save my breath and talk about what comes before the wedding and is often the more shocking part: the engagement. Because even if a friend has been together with their significant other for many years, has weathered thick and thin, has a grown up job and seems infinitely more mature than me in many ways, I am almost always blindsided when I find out that someone my age is engaged.

I've given it quite a bit of thought. I'm pretty sure that it's not due to jealousy that I'm not the one who's going to get married. I don't want to get married in the next year or two. I want to build my career, date lots of men, do a lot of traveling, live with friends and live alone before I start living for the rest of my life with a significant other. I don't believe that being single at 23 means that I'll be alone at 33, 43, 83, etc.

The reason I usually exclaim "WHAT?!?" out loud in coffee shops when I find out that a good female friend has gotten engaged usually has more to do with the fact that I know that getting married means that their friendships with me will inevitably change. They will no longer be as available to run off and do fun things with me. We'll never again stand swaying in a field with strange hippie boys. I'll be the one having adventures in foreign lands with handsome men while they read my post cards from the comfort of their kitchen with nice furniture and shake their heads at their single friend. I know that marriage doesn't necessarily mean the end of fun, but when you're a 22 year old woman, it kind of puts a huge damper on a bunch of potentially fun things. And it's not only fun things related to sex and romance. When you have someone else in your life, you can't necessarily pack up and pursue your dream career in another place. You have to think about the other person's career and needs as well as your own. And that can seriously limit your opportunities.

I realize that this all sounds like I'm implying that getting married means the death of selfishness and a person's friendships, the end of everything that is the epitome of being a person in your twenties. I know this isn't true. Maybe I am jealous that this person won't have as much time to spend with me when they get married. Maybe I'm partially worried that by the time I get married in 10ish years, all of my friends will be too old and married to be fun guests at my wedding. Maybe I'm bitter and jealous. I definitely don't get it. But I think I'm just sad that my future adventures are less likely to include my married friends in them.