This summer, this is exactly what I've been doing. I participated in two workshops on computational modeling, where students were the minority, and I was learning along with Oberlin College professors. I've never felt like I was all that good at taking advantage of opportunities at Oberlin, but when I was introduced to computational modeling, I jumped right on to it, and have no plans to let go any time soon. I look at computational modeling as a new way of looking at the world, as well as a method of experimentation, a way of modeling real-life events using computers. I see a lot of potential to model things I see going on in Appalachia, environmentally, economically, and socially, and am trying to develop a fluency in modeling thought and modeling techniques so I can apply this to the work I am doing now and will do in the future. Earlier this week, I attended a retreat for professors who are teaching computational modeling as part of their courses at Oberlin. For obvious reasons, I was the only student there, despite the fact that it was a part of my job working with this computational modeling initiative, and I assumed that the other students doing this would be there. But no matter.
For the first time in my Oberlin career, I've been spending a considerable amount of time with professors. It's really interesting to be in a room with incredibly smart people with extensive knowledge in different fields while they are trying to learn the same thing. The debates that go on during these workshops have made me realize that I need to be less afraid to speak up in class, and question the things that I am being told. I need to figure out the difference between being an active participant and being a smart-ass.
It's also really cool being on first name basis with professors in departments outside of my own, and knowing about the work of people I may never take a class with. But it makes me really shy to be around people who are so much smarter than me. I mean, thank God my professors are smarter than me, but it can make small talk a little intimidating. What do I have to contribute to the lunch conversations about artificial intelligence, the half-life of elements, and living in Hanover, Connecticut? I enjoy listening and learning, but I'm not sure if I'm actually building relationships here, or if all of these people think that I'm a shy idiot. Only when the conversation turns to deep fried food or music can I make a contribution further than the occasional funny but meaningless comment. It's been interesting trying to navigate the world of academia. Fortunately, I've had plenty of experience navigating different worlds, and I suspect that I'll figure it out eventually. For now, I'm just grateful that I go to a school where professors attend 2 day workshops on the pedagogy of computational modeling, and good teaching is a high priority. I'm also glad that I've had the opportunity this summer to spend more time with professors and less time with f**kers. I'm excited to start the school year and dive back into those books. There are some more things I want to learn. Maybe I'll stop confusing artificial intelligence with extraterrestrial life in my brain. Plus, I really should revisit the rate of decay.
