It has come to my attention recently (okay, like 2 hours ago when I was almost hit by a bicycle crossing the street that was turning right on red) that the vast majority of people in motion in Oberlin are complete idiots. Okay, maybe not just in Oberlin. Probably in the rest of the world too. You text in the crosswalks, tailgate people on your bicycles on sidewalks, you honk your horns unnecessarily. While I can't claim to be the best pedestrian/cyclist/motorist, I have managed to live for 23 years, so clearly I am an expert on the subject.
The following are some tips that I have for not dying/not harming anyone else while in motion. Read it, it's for ya health. #YODO (You Only Die Once) and you don't want to die because you ran a red light on your bicycle. These tips address things that make me incredibly cranky/have almost injured me/lead me to almost injuring someone. Let's start with the most basic mode of transit: the walk.
Pedestrians:
Congratulations! In the USA, you legally have the right of way. In reality, there are regional differences as to whether or not someone is going to actually give you the right of way. Not to mention the fact that cars weigh like 400 times more than you. If you do chose to assert your right of way, remember that just because cars aren't supposed to run you over, doesn't mean that you should cross the street while texting on a green light like a dumbass.
Bicyclists:
Yes, I know that you are moving faster than me on my feet and are better for the environment than me in my car. But stop being so smug and start following the rules. Even though you are more eco-friendly and less deadly than a car, you still should behave like one. Would you be upset if you saw someone driving their car on a crowded sidewalk? Then don't ride your bike on the sidewalk, especially when you're biking in flipping Oberlin Ohio where there isn't really any traffic and there are also bike lanes on certain streets. If you're too scared to bike on the road, then you should probably be walking. To those bicyclists who do bike on the road, keep up the good work. Just don't run red lights because I've definitely seen a cop car pull over a bicyclist who ran a red light. Also, if you are taking a legal right on a red light, make sure there are no pedestrians that are over halfway across the street that you end up scaring half to death. Don't be a jerk like the brazen hussy who almost ran me down today in front of the Con.
Motorists:
Being a motorist in Oberlin is frustrating, mostly because there are so many morons on foot and on bicycle. Instead of wielding our power for the bad we must be generous with our time, and hope that our patience with dumbasses of all modes of transit with result in great rewards in heaven, like gas that is only 99 cents a gallon. Also, if you are behind someone and they are going slower than you in a town where the speed limit is 35, please don't tailgate or honk your horn. They could be driving that slowly because their car is broken, they are drunk, or because they had to wake up at 5:35 in the morning to go to work and they have an irrational fear that the road will be icy.
So, YODO and YOLO folks. You don't want to die because you were jaywalking in an ice storm and you only live once, so you don't want to spend it dealing with the guilt of the time you broke someone's leg because you were biking on the flipping SIDEWALK like a imbecile. So don't be a dumbass and don't be a jerk, and we all can get along just fine.
